What we can Learn from a ‘Friend’
On October 28, 2023, actor Matthew Perry, famous for playing the character of Chandler Bing in the TV sitcom Friends, lost his life at age 54. This news came as a shock to many and has led to a public outpouring of grief from family, friends, celebrities, world leaders and millions of others around the world.
We are often confronted in the news headlines by the death of somebody famous, but, for many, this one seems to have hit harder than most. Why? I suspect it is because many feel like they have truly lost a friend and a part of their childhood. Friends was more than a sitcom; it became a cultural phenomenon. When the final episode aired on TV in 2004, it was viewed by 50 million people in the US alone. Even 20 years later, its popularity continues unabated, with many binging episodes on streaming platforms, and TV networks worldwide continuing to air seasons over and over again. Warner Bros, the company that produced the show, continues to make $1 billion in revenue per year from the show, and the main cast receive an annual income of approximately $20 million from royalties.
It can be easy to think that Matthew lived the ‘good life’ – money, fame and all that comes with that. But Matthew had many struggles in his life. Over the years, he has not been shy about his struggles with drug and alcohol addiction, including when he was working on Friends. His struggle became so severe that he went through 14 stints in rehab, 15 stomach surgeries, a season of having to use a colostomy bag after his intestines were perforated, leaving him in a coma with a 2 percent chance of survival, as well as more than 60 attempts at detoxing his body. He estimates the cost of all his treatments cost him over $7 million. All of this took a massive toll on his physical body, which became more and more evident during public appearances over the last few years.
While his life has been filled with sorrow and tragedy in different ways, including dying so young at 54, I have also seen evidence of God’s work in his life over the years. God’s ability to take difficult situations and bring good out of them never ceases to amaze me, and as I share a bit about Matthew’s journey, I think you will agree.
I heard an interview where he described the first time he prayed. He said, “I got down on my knees and said to God, ‘you can do whatever you want with me, just make me famous.’ Two weeks later I got [the role of Chandler on] Friends, and…God didn’t forget about the first part of that prayer.”
He then went on to describe his time on Friends, describing his addictions that he battled while on the show, and how he thought that money and fame would solve everything. “I was truly living the American dream. I had a good job. I was good at it. I bought a nice house. It had a pool. I liked it a lot, in fact I loved it…for about six months. Then one day I stood in my home and thought, ‘man, this has not helped me one bit.’”
Over the years, through all the ups and downs, his search for meaning continued. He then describes the next time he prays to God – a time when he was at real risk of dying and at the end of himself. He said his prayer was much humbler – a prayer of “help me. I don’t want to die.” And he said that God answered this prayer as well.
In his memoir, Matthew talked about a powerful encounter with God. After hitting rock bottom, Perry describes reaching out in desperation: “'God, please help me,’ I whispered. ‘Show me that you are here. God, please help me.’” As I kneeled, the light slowly began to get bigger, and bigger, until it was so big that it encompassed the entire room… What was happening? And why was I starting to feel better? I started to cry. I mean, I really started to cry – that shoulder-shaking kind of uncontrollable weeping. I wasn’t crying because I was sad. I was crying because for the first time in my life, I felt OK. I felt safe, taken care of. Decades of struggling with God, and wrestling with life, and sadness, all was being washed away, like a river of pain gone into oblivion. I had been in the presence of God. I was certain of it. And this time I had prayed for the right thing: help.”
It seems that as time went on, Matthew gained a deeper freedom from his addictions, and, as a result, he became more introspective, and his priorities and goals in life changed, which was also reflected in his memoir.
“I’ve had a lot of ups and downs in my life. I’m still working through it personally, but the best thing about me is that if an alcoholic or drug addict comes up to me and says, ‘Will you help me?’ I will always say, ‘Yes, I know how to do that. I will do that for you, even if I can’t always do it for myself.’ So I do that, whenever I can. In groups, or one on one,” the late actor wrote.
“And I created the Perry House in Malibu, a sober-living facility for men. I also wrote my play The End of Longing, which is a personal message to the world, an exaggerated form of me as a drunk. I had something important to say to people like me, and to people who love people like me,” he continues.
“When I die, I know people will talk about Friends, Friends, Friends. And I’m glad of that, happy I’ve done some solid work as an actor, as well as given people multiple chances to make fun of my struggles on the world wide web… but when I die, as far as my so-called accomplishments go, it would be nice if Friends were listed far behind the things I did to try to help other people. I know it won’t happen, but it would be nice.”
Matthew even developed his own mantra on this journey which was seven simple words: Trust God. Clean House. Work with others. While his life was difficult and his body paid a high price, God, in His infinite wisdom, was able to bring good out of a difficult set of circumstances. God led him from someone who was seeking meaning and purpose in the things of this world to a relationship with Him, which then flowed out of Matthew as he sought to help others find freedom in their own lives.
What does this mean for you and I? I think it can mean two things. Firstly, if you are facing a situation that seems impossible, or walking through a situation in life that is difficult, perhaps Matthew Perry’s story is a needed reminder that God can and does bring good from bad, or as Romans 8:28-30 (NLT) says, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory.”
Friend, God is working in your life. He’s working in the areas that seem dark, hopeless and impossible. He’s working in ways you expect and in ways you don’t. He’s redeeming, transforming and using ALL things for good.
Secondly, perhaps this is an opportunity to think about your own relationship with God. For all of us, we only have a short time on this earth and we need to make it count. None of us are promised tomorrow. One day, we will all meet Jesus face to face. The only question that will matter at that time is—What did you do with Jesus Christ? God sent His beloved Son to earth to bear the penalty for our sin—which is death. Jesus took our sins to the cross, died, was buried, and God raised Him to life on the third day. What have you done with Jesus Christ? Maybe this is your opportunity to wrestle with this question, and make a decision about what you want to do with this. God loves you so much, and is so hungry for a relationship with each and every one of us, including you.
I have no doubt that Matthew Perry will largely be remembered for playing Chandler Bing. My hope and prayer, however, is that as people come to terms with his passing, he will also be remembered for the work God has done in his life, and that this will encourage you as well.